Hi my readers,
We are learning how to fix surface features are little bits in your writing like punctuation, repeated words and spelling. We need to use surface features because it makes our writing easier for other people to read. An example is: thissentsaChulymakessen Zbuttisrellyhrd to reed This sentence doesn't have surface features. We had to fix our writing if too many words were the same. What is a surface features?
On our room 9 writing site our teacher put on a link to a story we needed to fix. We made our own copy. We had to read it once and find the end of the sentence. We would put capital letters after the full stop. We change the sentence after a new idea.
I had to read it again and highlighted all the repeating words. It sounds better if it's not the same word over and over again. One off the words we highlighted was 'he' then changed it for Harry.
Yesterday we read through it together and added some paragaraphs. We got same people up to front to read aloud the fixed the story. Xavier, Rinaz and Sean were the narrators, main change and the character antagonist. Xavier was very scary.
This is not our writing we just had to fix the surface features. This is what we had to fix.
He kept absolutely still as the footsteps got louder he tried not to suffocate as he laid under the bed he was wondering what had happened to his brother and his family. The man with the knife in his hand stormed around the house. Mums had boyfriends before but we had not thought that they would ever find us maybe he was one of them looking for revenge but why would he come. mum would just move and how did he find us we live on the other side of the planet from where all of mums boyfriends were so how could he find us he might have put a tracker on mum when he last saw her or on one of the devises ‘Hello where are you I know your here you're going to tell me where you're mother is or you shall join your father... in the skies so which will it be death or freedom you have 10 seconds chose wisely’.
This is changes that I made:
Harry kept absolutely still as the footsteps got louder. Harry tried not to suffocate as Harry laid under the bed. Harry was wondering what had happened to his brother and his family. The man with the knife in his hand stormed around the house.
Mum has boyfriends before but we had not thought that they would ever find us. Maybe he was one of them looking for revenge but why would he come? Mum would just move. how did Rom find us? We lived on the other side of the planet from where all of my mum’s boyfriends were. So how could he find us? He might have put a tracker on mum when he last saw her or on one of her devices.
“Hello, where are you? I know you're here. you're going to tell me where your mother is or you shall join your father... in the skies so which will it be, death or freedom! you have ten seconds to choose wisely.”
Can you the changes that I made:
Can you spot the difference that we have fix. Ok have a good day bye please come down below.
