Chapter 1
He whispers it is not safe around this place. GO!!! So when he said for him to go, Ooh I Forgot to tell you the pass he where's a Green Jersey with a Silver Leaf on the front. He has a big Brown Beard and Glasses, log Fingers and a Short Nose. So back where we were so you are wondering why he said go you already now so he said it is to Dangerous their Because he got Hurt by a Dangerous man. how is he is a Monster he can Transform into Anything. So to the old man he was. Their were 5 Powerful wizards
Chapter 2
He he was Dieing. So he told him to grab some important stuff Like The Steph The most powerful thing in the world. The instruments It's not any instrument it's a powerful one Just say my name is Nickey I'm a wizard You have to defeat the monster Jacob He's dangerous he's the only dangerous man in the world protect the. World save the world You're the only wizard
left Billy said I'm not a Wizard I'm just a human. Nickey said Now you're a Wizard. Nickey Goodbye Billy I’m dieing Goodbye Billy. NO TALL ME MORE!!! He Crys.
Chapter 3
So he gave the magic instruments and the magic stuff. He could feel the Power in Side his Body he was Floating in the air his eye was Glowing Bright white. So he was Back down on the grand he said I can feel the the Wizard said you need to go GO!
The new wizard run he had a magic pet it was a dragon he said he Found a naver wizard he run to the naver wizard the 2 new wizard Their were 5 Powerful wizards so the First wizard are you. To be continue
Wow Devaani, 3 Chapters, this is quite a story you have been working on.
ReplyDeleteIf I was a Wizard and could make my own pet, I would make a dragon too.
Great work with all the descriptive words you have used, they add so much detail to the story.
One of my favourite sentences was 'He could feel the power inside his body he was floating in the air his eye was glowing bright white. I could really imagine what was happening. Sometimes you can use shorter sentences to give the reader time to imagine whats happening....'He could feel the power inside his body. He was floating in the air.' Short sentences can add drama, so don't be afraid of the full-stop.
Keep up the blogging, I really like seeing your amazing work
Hi Devaani,
ReplyDeleteThe energy and excitement in your story keeps me riveted! I want to know what is going to happen next.
Mrs Day has given you some awesome feedback. Your writing is most powerful when you use those describing words.
Good narratives ( stories) always focus around problems. Your young wizard has already overcome a few problems. Are the 5 wizards going to be a problem for him or are they going to be his friends?
:)Keep up the great work,
Miss D
Hi Devaani,this is a great narrative. My only word of advice would be to read through and look at your sentences and add a few full stops (and I guess capital letters go with that) I love exclamation marks and see you do too! :) Looking forward to the next instalment.
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